Picaresque Vignettes from the Lives of the Rogues and Rascals Living in the Neighborhoods of Mammoth Gardens
Written Occasionally and Mostly in Dactyllic Tetrameter By Gary Jugert
What I know: Pure text written wall to wall looks like a crazy person’s manifesto and nobody reads those until there’s a tragedy. I’m working to avoid a tragedy until this is finished and it’ll never be finished.
The Inspiration: The Story of Civilization by Will and Ariel Durant
I. Our Oriental Heritage (OOH) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~ #2 ~ #3 ~ #4
II. The Life of Greece (LOG) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~#2 ~ #3
III. Caesar and Christ (CAC) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~ #2 ~ #3
IV. The Age of Faith (AOF) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~ #2 ~ #3 ~ #4 ~ #5
V. The Renaissance (REN) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~ #2 ~ #3
VI. The Reformation (REF) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~ #2 ~ #3 ~ #4 ~ #5 (unavailable)
VII. The Age of Reason Begins (ARB) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~ #2 ~ #3
VIII. The Age of Louis XIV (L14) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~ #2 ~ #3
IX. The Age of Voltaire (AOV) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~ #2 ~ #3 ~ #4
X. Rousseau and Revolution (RAR) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~ #2 ~ #3 ~ #4 ~ #5 ~ #6
XI. The Age of Napoleon (AON) PDF ~ MP3s: #1 ~ #2 ~ #3 ~ #4
The original “picaresque” novel La Vida de Lazarillo de Tormes at Gutenberg Press
- Google Book PDF
- LibriVox Public Domain Recording 1 of 5
- LibriVox Public Domain Recording 2 of 5
- LibriVox Public Domain Recording 3 of 5
- LibriVox Public Domain Recording 4 of 5
- LibriVox Public Domain Recording 5 of 5
The Characters by Theophrastus
01. DAZZLE: The Ironical (v): Caviling: Irony, roughly defined, would seem to be an affectation of the worse in word or deed. (04-4-1, 07-3-1) [The Supreme One.]
02. FOOL: The Flatterer (i): Flattery may be considered as a mode of companionship degrading but profitable to the one who flatters. (01-1-1) [Ever attending to the needs of Poet. ]
03. GOSH: The Garrulous (xviii): Garrulity is the discoursing of much and ill-considered talk. (04-4-1) [Running mouth causes trouble for others. Ever attending to Dazzle.]
04. RAZZLE: The Boor (xiv) Of Rusticity or Clownishness: Boorishness would seem to be ignorance offending against propriety. (07-3-1) [Dazzle’s more earthy sibling.]
05. URANUS: The Complaisant One (ii) Of Fair Speech or Smoothness: Complaisance may be defined as a mode of address calculated to give pleasure, but not with the best tendency. (09-3-1) [Tells you what you want to hear.]
06. TUTU: The Reckless Man (xvi) Of Senselesness, or Desperate Boldness: Recklessness is tolerance of shame in word and deed.
07. NAUGHTY: The Chatty Man (xix) Of Loquacity or Overspeaking: Chattiness, if one should wish to define it, would seem to be an incontinence of talk.
08. POET: The Gossip (xx) Of News-forging, or Rumour-spreading: Gossip is the framing of fictitious saying and doings at the pleasure of the one who gossips. (06-3-1, 01-1-1) [Poet narrates everything. Loved and hated. Fool is a constant companion.]
09. LAZY: The Shameless Man (xv) Of Impudency: Shamelessness may be defined as neglect of reputation for the sake of base gain.
10 BUZZ: The Penurious Man (xiv) Of base Avarice or Parsimony: Penuriousness is too strict attention to profit and loss.
11. OOPS or OHMYMY: The Gross Man (xvii) Of Obscenity, or Ribaldry: Grossness is not difficult to define; it is obtrusive and objectionable pleasantry.
12. ZERO: The Unseasonable Man (ix) Of Unseasonableness; or Ignorance of due convenient times: Unseasonableness consists in a chance meeting disagreeable to those who meet.
13. KOOL: The Officious One (x) Of impertinent diligence, or Over-officiousness: Officiousness would seem to be, in fact, a well-meaning presumption in word or deed. (11-3-1) [Believes he’s of the upper orders.]
14. COFFEE: The Stupid Man (xiii) Of Blockishness, Dullness, or Stupidity: Stupidity may be defined as mental slowness in speech and action.
15. VICE: The Surly Man (iii) Of Stubbornness, Obstinacy, or Fierceness: Surliness is discourtesy in words.
16. WOW: The Superstitious One (xxviii) Of Superstition: Superstition would seem to be simply cowardice in regard to the supernatural. (05-3-1) [Hangs out with mythological characters.]
17. EVIL: The Grumbler (xxii) Of Causeless Complaining: Grumbling is undue censure of one’s portion.
18. HOP: The Distrustful One (xxiii) Of Diffidence, or distrust: Distrustfulness is a presumption that everyone is unjust. (01-2-2) [Grumbling my way or the highway.]
19. MUERTOS: The Offensive Man (xii) Of Nastiness: Offensiveness is distressing neglect of person.
20. YOYO: The Unpleasant Man (xi) Of Unpleasantness, or Tediousness: Unpleasantness may be defined as a mode of address which gives harmless annoyance.
21. ATOM: The One of Petty Ambition (vii) Of a base and frivolous affectation of praise: Petty ambition would seem to be a mean craving for distinction. (02-3-1) [Director of getting it done.]
22. JAZZ: The Mean Man (xxv) Of Illiberality, or Servility: Meanness is an excessive indifference to honour where expense is concerned.
23. SOX: The Boastful One (vi) Of Ostentation: Boastfulness would seem to be, in fact, pretension to advantages which one does not possess. (11-3-1) [Likes to deny being of the lower orders.]
24. PONY: The Arrogant One (iv) Of Pride: Arrogance is a certain scorn for all the world beside oneself. (02-4-2) [Forges ahead even if pirates threaten.]
25. XENON: The Coward (xxvii) Of Timidity, or Fearfulness: Cowardice would seem to be, in fact, the shrinking of the soul through fear.
26. QUAALUDE: The Oligarch (xxix) Of an Oligarchy, or The manners of the principal sort, which sway in a State.: The Oligarchical temper would seem to consist in a love of authority, covetous, not of gain, but of power. (08-3-1) [Running others as if by hypnosis.]
27. SIOUXIE: The Late-Learner (viii) Of late-learning: Late-learning would seem to mean the pursuit of exercises for which one is too old. (03-3-1) [The old faerie remembers her youth.]
28. IGLOO: The Evil-Speaker (xxi) Of Detraction, or Back-biting: The habit of Evil-speaking is a bent of the mind towards putting things in the worst light. (03-3-1) [Against prima donnas.]
29. ZOOM: The Patron of Rascals (xxx): The Patronising of Rascals is a form of the appetite for vice. (10-3-1) [Drinking, dancing, drugging, whoring, alienating.]
30. NEW CHARACTER 2: The Avaricious Man (xxvi): Avarice is excessive desire of base gain.
The Cardboard Unwashed: God (06-3-1), Death (05-3-1)
Center of the World in G major
[Em] Far from the center of the [B] universe.
[Em] Far from the center of the [B] galaxy.
[C] Riding on a marble and [B] spinning around.
[C] Daddy made promises [B] princess adored.
He said
[G] You are the center of the [D] world, my dear.
[G] You are the center of the [D] universe.
[C] The axis of beauty runs [D] straight through your soul.
[Em] Far from the center of the [B] universe.
[Em] Far from the center of the [B] galaxy.
[C] Riding on a marble and [B] spinning around.
[C] Daddy made promises [B] princess adored.
He said
[G] You are the center of the [D] world, my dear.
[G] You are the center of the [D] universe.
[C] The candle in your soul lights up [D] midnight so dark.
[C] The candle in your soul makes those [B] shadows grow long.
[G] You are the center of the [D] world, my dear.
[G] You are the center of the [D] universe.
[C] The candle in your soul lights up [D] midnight so dark. [G]
03-3-1 PDF MP3
“For seventeen hundred years … Rome was the center of the Western world.” — Will Durant
Igloo complains about the prima donnas.
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Pirate Navigation in A minor
Lyrics on the way.
| “In these propitious waters the acquisitive Phoenicians and the amphibious Greeks developed the art and science of navigation … despite pirates.” — Will Durant
Pony negotiates rough waters. |
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In the City in Eb minor
Lyrics on the way.
| “Civilization begins in the peasant’s hut, but it comes to flower only in the towns.” — Will Durant
Hop grumbles about the state of affairs in town. |
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A View from Above in Ab minor
My vision of you from up here is quite pretty.
“Up here” means “down there” and you must be kidding.
Straight as an arrow. You’re charming to see.
Look up my love or you’ll never take flight.
You grumble and split hairs, unpleasantly gritty.
Fall from the sky and your mind will go skidding.
Spread your wings hope to fly and become free.
A hunter, a bow, and a clear line of sight.
Darkness and lightness.
A smile. A frown.
It’s comic. It’s tragic.
It’s a masquerade mask.
11-3-1 PDF MP3
| “The people of France were divided into three orders [and] each of the classes was divided into subgroups or layers, so that nearly everyone could enjoy the sight of persons below him.” “” — Will DurantKool can see down there. Sox thinks he’s up there. A duet. |
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Among Alien Cities in C# major
Zoom Zoom Zoom … Zoom Zoom Zoom …
Drinking and dancing and drugging and doo doo doo.
Everybody knows it’s the wrong way to be.
Not me. Not me. Not me.
Zoom Zoom Zoom … Zoom Zoom Zoom …
Roaring and scoring and whoring and soaring.
Everybody know it’s the wrong thing to do.
With you. With you. With you.
They say I’ll be lonely. They say I’ll be blue.
But I only roll with the bluest of crews.
It’s an idea we will always will choose.
Aliens. Aliens. Aliens.
Living among the aliens in the city.
10-3-1 PDF MP3
| “How did it come about that [Rousseau] born poor, losing his mother at birth and soon deserted by his father, afflicted with a painful and humiliating disease, left to wander for twelve years among alien cities and conflicting faiths, repudiated by society and civilization … driven from place to place as a dangerous rebel, suspected of crime and insanity, and seeing, in his last months, the apotheosis of his greatest enemy — how did it come about that this man, after his death, triumphed over Voltaire, revived religion, transformed education, elevated the morals of France, inspired the Romantic movement and the French revolution … and altogether, had more effect upon posterity than any other writer or thinker of that eighteenth century?” — Will Durant
Zoom patronizes the rascals. |
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Most Boring Mortal in E major
The birth of a man and the dawn of the poet.
The birth of a city and the dawn of the ages.
The birth of ideas that are destined for ash bins.
We’ll make it through.
We’ll make it true.
Words are our vision; I like what you wrote.
Everything’s good including the changes.
We’ll drink at the bars inside of the inns.
We’ll keep it happy
’cause we’re a bit scrappy.
Most boring mortal in the world.
Most boring morsel on the plate.
Most boring moral at the end.
09-3-1 PDF MP3
| Voltaire described the dramatist Pierre Corneille “the most boring mortal” he’d ever met. — from Will Durant
Uranus tells you what you want to hear. |
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Hypnotic Dominance in F minor
Dominance. Dominance. You’ll do what I want.
A smile a wink and you’ll believe in detente.
Together we build a most magical world.
My puppet you’ll dance on invisible strings.
Debutante. Debutante. Watch the watch swinging.
Goblins and ghosts haunt your mind with their singing.
Together we build a most magical world.
Your eyelids are heavy; my plan’s taking wings.
Not for money.
Just for power.
You’re my honey
of the hour.
Dominance. Dominance. You’ll do what I want.
We suffer the weak but tell them they’re savant.
Together we build a most magical world.
Do it my way for your sake I do pray.
08-3-1 PDF MP3
| Why is it that France exercised an almost hypnotic dominance over Western Europe in politics, language, literarature and art? — from Will Durant
A smiling Quaalude achieves agreement. |
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Bonfires of Eternal Hope in F# minor
We hammered and chiseled creating a sizzle.
In name we’re the same, but in stature we fracture.
You are the queen, and I am the clown.
Tiaras and sceptres and painted on frowns.
A bonfire roaring from embers tucked so low.
Some sparkle in flight and then die on their solo.
We light up the night with our eternal hopes,
but when the Sun rises, it mocks and suprises.
Burn the wood.
Light the world.
Bottom and top we’re yin and yang.
Glitter and litter from midnight we sprang.
07-3-1 PDF MP3
| “A courier galloped into the court of the royal palace at Hatfield, thirty-six miles north of London, and announced to Elizabeth Tudor that she was Queen of England…. The people of England, as they had done for Mary, spread festive tables in the streets, and that evening they colored the sky with bonfires of eternal hope.” — Will Durant
Meet Razzle (of the lower orders) and Dazzle (of the upper eschelon). |
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Secrets of God in Eb major
I am the Poet of unspoken ages.
Locked with a pencil in history’s cages.
Ruining rocks and defiling the pages.
Sometimes with song and sometimes with rages.
I am the Poet of unspoken ages.
Meetings with royals and parties with sages.
Whispering untruths and rocking the stages.
Fame and confusion my unholy wages.
Rev the motors. Raise the gauges.
The Secrets of God are written in praises.
06-3-1 PDF MP3
| “Religion is the last subject that the intellect begins to understand.” — Will Durant
Poet and the Gods go bowling. |
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Neri and Bianchi in D major
Oh my Wow there you are ten toes and fingers.
A fee for the butcher or twenty turns zero.
Chop them off. Chop them off. Might be insane.
It’s white and it’s black and the red runs between.
In warm summer breezes words float and then linger.
Confusion and truth and you’re painted the hero.
Francesco Francesco stay out of the water.
It’s white and it’s black and the red runs between.
The bleeding, the slicing, down Death’s lonely lane.
A blabbering chat and you’re off to the slaughter.
Bianchi and Neri.
It’s white and it’s black and the red runs between.
05-3-1 PDF MP3
| The aristocratic Neri exiled the Bianchi from Florence and in his absense convicted Ser Petracco for crimes. Given the choice of fines or the loss of his hand, he moved to Arezzo and raised his son Petrarch (the father of the Renaissance). — from Will Durant
Gosh and Death head to the meat market. |
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Loco-Motion in G minor
Only one gateway ‘tween real life and crazy.
East-West and North-South and commerce so hazy.
Keeping the voices inside of your head.
Barbarians working to make you feel dead.
Dazzle and Gosh live like jesters with daggers.
Hither and thither with flamboyant swaggers.
Turn your back hope to hide watch from outside;
then their steel silently slides as you stagger.
Oh they smile. For awhile. Then the trial.
Your innocense fleeing. Your faith all beguiled.
Come on inside and see all the commotion.
Bring on a phallus ’cause we have the lotion.
Your brain won’t be needed it’s knotty emotion.
Your body will fail you. We provide Loco-Motion.
04-4-1 PDF MP3
| “Here beyond all expectation … civilization would display a saving continuity [and] tenacaiously preserve its ancient treasures.” — Will Durant
Dazzle and Gosh host one of their legendary parties. |
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Etruscan Prelude in E minor
Hamlets so peaceful hid up in the valleys.
Sunny bright pastures asleep in the mountains.
Crystal clear lakes like champagne in a chalice.
Oppulent farm lands rush into the sea.
Towns drowsy and drunk laugh under noon day.
Churches and and cottages thriving in passion.
Out of the dust.
Out of the dirt.
Her beauty was born in a magical land.
| “Quiet hamlets in the mountain valleys, spacious pastures on the slopes, lakes upheld in the chalice of the hills, fields green or yellow verging toward blue seas, villages and towns drowsy under the noon sun and then alive with passion, cities in which, amid dust and dirt, everything from cottage to cathedral seems beautiful — this for two thousand years has been Italy.” — Will Durant
The birth of Siouxie. |
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Frogs Around a Pond in F major
We are all sitting here around this big pond.
Little frogs and big frogs.
Croaking out our true loves; croaking out our anguish.
Hear our melody, our harmony our rhythm too and poetry.
We sing all night for you.
We are all sitting here around this big pond.
Croaking toads with big hearts.
Dreaming of our futures; cringing from our nightmares.
Hear our melody, our harmony our rhythm too and poetry.
We sing all night for you.
| “Like frogs around a pond, we have settled down upon the shores of this sea.” — Plato, as reported by Will Durant
Atom rents a bulldozer. |
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Mammoth Gardens in C major
Naked and frightened we walked into sunshine.
Draping on flowers and painting our bodies.
Socially ordered creating a culture with
paintings and morals and an A-bomb or two.
Ending the chaos we over came our fear.
Building, embellishing, we transformed our world.
Daring the cosmos we flew through the starlight. You
blink and we vanish, but in time we renew.
| “Civilization is social order promoting cultural creation.” — Will Durant
Poet and Fool inherit Mammoth Gardens. |
In the before time, there was nothingness …
except for The Flying Spaghetti Monster.